o, you’ve booked yourself a lovely, relaxing massage. You’re ready to unwind, let go of stress, and embrace the soothing touch of a skilled therapist. But wait! Before you step into that oasis of tranquility, let’s go over some golden rules of what NOT to do at a massage parlor.
Trust me, your therapist (and your dignity) will thank you!
1. Don’t Arrive Looking Like You Just Wrestled a Bear
Yes, massage therapists are professionals, but they are not miracle workers. If you show up drenched in sweat from your gym session or covered in last night’s kebab sauce, you might want to reconsider your life choices (or at least take a shower). Let’s keep it fresh, people!
2. Don’t Treat the Massage Table Like a Playground
It’s a massage table, not a trampoline. No need to belly flop onto it like you’re auditioning for a wrestling match. Also, climbing on in a way that resembles a baby giraffe learning to walk? Maybe practice at home first.
3. Don’t Forget to Use Your Indoor Voice
This isn’t a sports bar. No one needs to hear about your weekend antics at full volume. Whisper, or better yet, embrace the silence. It’s a massage, not a TED Talk.
4. Don’t Be a Chatty Cathy (Unless Your Therapist Is Up for It)
Some people love a good chat; others just want to drift into a state of blissful nothingness. If your therapist is responding with “mmm-hmm” and “ah, I see” every three minutes, take the hint.
5. Don’t Giggle at the Wrong Time
Massages can be ticklish, we get it. But if you’re giggling uncontrollably when they touch your feet or let out a full-blown cackle during a shoulder rub, people might start questioning your sanity.
6. Don’t Fall Asleep and Snore Like a Chainsaw
It’s totally fine to relax and even doze off a little. But if you start snoring like an angry walrus, your therapist may have to choose between waking you up or investing in noise-canceling headphones.
7. Don’t Make It Weird
Look, massages involve physical touch. But let’s keep it professional. No inappropriate requests, no awkward eye contact, and please, for the love of relaxation, keep your towel ON.
8. Don’t Forget to Tip
Unless you’re getting a massage from your best mate (and even then, maybe bring them a snack), tipping is a nice way to show appreciation for a job well done. Just don’t hand over a crumpled fiver with a wink—it’s a massage, not a poker game.
9. Don’t Jump Up Like You’ve Been Electrified
The massage is over. You’re relaxed. Stay that way. There’s no need to bolt upright like you’ve just remembered you left the oven on. Take a deep breath, roll off gently, and float on out like the zen master you now are.
So there you have it—a handy guide to ensure you’re a model massage client. Follow these simple don’ts, and you’ll leave your massage therapist smiling, rather than secretly making a note to “accidentally” lose your booking next time. Happy relaxing!
Leave a Reply